This is a collection of amusing articles penned by an autodidactic author who ran away from home on his 13th birthday. His tales include The Black Virgin Visits Brooklyn, The Black Virgin in Egypt, Primitive Vestiges and Anal Therapy, I Thought The Immortal Story Was About Me, If It's Brown Put It Down, Interesting Italian Americans I Have Met, I Was A Crack Adding Machine Operator, Machines and Me OMG-D I might be Moses!. On My One-Sided Conversations with Women. On The Urge to Gratuitous Violence, The Art Deco Man. I Confess To Being An Alien. Don't Quit Your Railroad Job, My Early Inheritance, I Shan't Forget The Holocaust. My Reconciliation of Accounts. I Was A Frustrated Newspaper Columnist, The Repetition Compulsion of a Successful Loser. Metamorphosis of a Bookworm. God Playing Solitaire. Maya is Real. If I Were a Christian, The Little Hitler in Everyone, and Ghoul News.