Nicholas Ward’s debut essay collection, centers on self-exploration and cultural critique. These deeply personal essays examine whiteness, masculinity, and a Midwest upbringing through tales of sporting events, parties, posh (and not-so-posh) restaurant jobs, and the many relationships built and lost along the way. With a storyteller’s spirit, Ward recounts and evaluates the privilege of his upbringing with acumen and vulnerability. Ward’s profound affection for his friends, family, lovers, pets, and particularly for his chosen home, Chicago, shines through. This collection offers readers hope for healing that comes through greater understanding and inquiry into one’s self, relationships, and culture. hrough these essays, Ward acknowledges his position within whiteness and masculinity, and he continuously holds himself and the society around him accountable. was selected by Jaquira Díaz as the winner of the 2020 Autumn House Nonfiction Prize.