Hello reader, I'm Crazy. Odd title for a novel, I know, bit it got your attention, didn't it? Since Mr. Author here can't seem to think of a way to sum up my story in the traditional back cover/query letter style, I've taken it upon myself to break the rules - 'cause that's what I do. I'll get to what the story is about in a minute, but first I'm gonna give you the main reasons you'll want to read it... One: reading it will be great exercise; you may quite literally laugh your butt off! Two through sixty-eight: it's freakin' awesome! Why? Because it's all about me! Sixty-nine through seventy-seven: need I say more? Oh yeah, I guess I do. Chaos drops me in the lagoon of an island in the middle of nowhere (which also serves as a prison for a super-hot mermaid named Shannon), like that's gonna hold me. Sure enough, right after I rescue Shannon, these pirates come along and, with a little persuasion, allow me to take over their ship. "Commandeer" I believe is the proper word, and thus begins the building of my fleet of scalawags. But wouldn't you know it, this guy I used to know before I was born starts to interfere with my fun, all because he wants to conquer the world or something. That ain't happening! Go ahead, I dare ya to read this novel...