We can always choose how we process the events that happen in our lives. We can be happy despite our circumstances, even if a fiercely challenging obstacle such as a suicide is put in our way. Happiness has never come naturally for me, maybe this is true for most of us, but we shouldn't expect to work past this in order to arrive at happiness. Happiness is in the process, and that seems for me to be a healthy way to process the events in our lives. Life will be challenging at times, that's the planet we're on and I believe God designed it that way. Your mind is a battlefield for Satan, and he uses it as a playground. My hope is that my story will somehow help you with your journey, if you have experienced this kind of pain in your life.