NO WORRIES MATE!!! By Victor S E Moubarak I have an Aunt in Australia who is very nice ... up to a point. Shall we say she is an acquired taste and tends to grate on you somewhat. The first thing that my Australian Aunt Gertrude said to me when we first met was "G' Day cobber! You don't look as good as your photo! A Picasso with a bad stomach more like!!!" The second thing she said was "Are you gonna carry my luggage mate? Or do I have to call a porter and have to tip him for the pleasure?" As I carried her luggage to the car, there started my long ordeal of having my Aunt Gertrude as a guest whilst she holidays with us. Make no mistake about it, she is a kind old lady with a heart of gold which she hides well in case anyone thinks nicely of her. She lives in a world of her own totally oblivious of the effect her distinctive Australian accent, her loud voice which can be heard three Continents away, and her unbelievable antics, have on the rest of humanity. Or to be more precise ... have on me in particular. I hope you enjoy these short stories recording the various frolics of my Aunt Gertrude and my long suffering existence whilst she stays with us. Victor S E Moubarak www.holyvisions.co.uk